methods of breaking the cling?

[lucky melatonin]

francis is super clingy, i know he's a lovebird and he should be. i like him to be sometimes too, but most times, it's TOO much! he stays with me allllll day. when i have school or work or anything and have to put him up, he throws a fit. he dives into my shirt, clings to my bra and won't get off of me. when i try to pull him off, he bites and grunts.

when i finally get him off, he cries constantly while he clings to his cage for me to come get him. sometimes, i can't even get him off of me to go and snack.

i feel so bad when i have to put him up and he cries for me, but he needs to learn some independence. his cage is plenty big and he has toys, just none of it seems to interest him as much as me. he's really sweet and pleasant for the most part, just lacks any independence whatsoever. he's done this since i've gained his trust and it only seems to get worse. he makes me feel like a bully when i have to pry him off of me and cage him...

i want him to learn to chill in his cage without having a fit and to calmy let me place him in there when i need to go do something. do you guys have any advice on how i can do this? or have you had any similar problems???

[Flapjack]

is your little one clipped? I ask because my Jack isn't, and he's way TOO independent. He's very cuddly and sweet when I'm holding on to him, but is off exploring, and bouncing around the room like a pinball when I let him go! I'm considering a mini clip for him, just so he'll maybe want to be on me more.
At the same time, I love that he's getting so much exercise and acting like a bird should.
I keep going back and forth...

[Sweetpeaches]

peaches was acting like that for awhile too...as soon as she was on me she wanted to go down inside my shirt...and STAY there! and would bite me all over inside my shirt if i tried to get her out. i'd have to literally take my shirt off to remove her. that was awhile ago, and only lasted for a little while. she's much better now, actually she stays right on my arm down on my wrist. i've found when i let her up on my shoulder too often she gets more possessive. so i've been keeping her lower on my arm and she's getting used to it.

[michael]

Emily. I think your concerns are very important to address. While many of us constantly look for ways to have a relationship that results in a velcro bird, it can be this very type behavior that for a few birds can cause certain emotional difficulties. This can affect their health and well being and also lead to self abuse. While there are many poeple/velcrobird relationships that are perfect for both parties, some parrot behavior can begin to stress an otherwise good relationship. Such as yourself and Francis, she may be starting to become a little too dependent on you for all her needs. Diverting her attention to anything else you possibly can followed by praising her may help her learn your not the most important thing in her life. In a way you have to become "flock leader" instead of "mate" in order to help her become more independent. Really, birds are like children and are very hungry for our love and attention. They know we provide for them in many ways and are very much in tune with this. Quite often they will seek our attention regardless of how we show it, even if its telling them to go away. Because affection and interactions needed by our birds are ephemeral it may not be good to make it so constant but instead offer it in intervals that follow behavior we would rather they take more interest in such as toys, good food, and exploring on their own. I think your going to have to put up with some discontent regardless of what you try to introduce to Francis. It would be best to completely ignore this behavior and only praise whatever activities will help to keep her from being so dependent on you. Keep in mind this can take some time, and we are by "no" means talking about "obedience" but simply reinforcing with love and much praise the type of behavior that is the healthiest for them and perhaps for you too. Honestly, I'm not sure what you could try to get her started on first. There's just so much. Depending on how often you let her out maybe try structuring her day by only praising the one time you open her cage and can spend the most time with her. Have you ever tried using foraging tools with her favorite foods involved? This is a great way to help break down all those scarey objects or even spark some interest in them. Hopefully some of the other members here can share their views on this ..........................Michael and Goofy lovebird

[LauraO]

You are bringing up a very important part of bird ownership! While most people claim they want a velcro bird, few really understand what it means. It can be very tiresome when your lovie has chosen you as his mate. Lovebirds are ALWAYS with their significant other, and it's obvious when you have different pairs and see how they interact as I do.

I suggest you keep diligent when you put your lovie in the cage. I know it's hard to see him so distressed but with diligence he will understand he has to be in his cage. You could also set up different play areas around the house he can play on so he can be near you but not on you.....You may also try and get some of your family to bond with him so he has others to play with when you are busy or tired of him.

I had a bird like you describe years ago, and while I loved him dearly, it did get very tiresome to deal with his neediness and wanting to be on me every second of the day. I would have to take off my shirt to get him off because he kept scurring around my back so I couldn't reach him. I thought getting him a friend would help, but it didn't. He was already bonded to me.

Good luck

[lucky melatonin]

that's good to hear, i'm glad i'm not the only person who has had to take off my shirt to get my bird off! i thought i'd created a monster!

and yes, his wings are clipped, but i'm currently letting them grow out.

exactly, i want him to love me, but not be sooo attached to the point that i cannot function without him hanging on me or crying for me. i try to just let him out to explore other things in the house, but he runs straight to me no matter where i am in the house, or he gets somewhere up high and waits for me and chirps. he spends a lot of time with my grandma because she watches him while i'm at school and work, which is from morning to 5 MWF and then saturdays. but he will not build an actual relationship with anyone but me. he likes them for the shoulder ride, that's it. i try to get him to stay with her, my boyfriend, my mom, my brothers...and the second i get 10ft near, he hops back on me. i haven't tried real tricks to get him to use his toys (so IDEAS???? i'll take them!!). i don't think i've even seen him play with one though for more than 5 seconds.

i've been so busy the past 3 days (jewelry shop at christmas!), i've barely seen him because it's been bedtime when i've got home, so i'm not sure what he's been doing. he's had company but i don't know how much they've interacted with him. he's with me now, and is being himself

but i'll take any ideas on independence and toy trickary! thanks for the help so far though. it's reassuring to hear that i'm not evil, but his behavior is actually overwhelming. i thought for a bit that maybe i was too irritable for a lovie! i love him though

[linda040899]

Emily,
Sometimes we have to accept that which we cannot change and, while this behavior may modify itself to a point, it may never change. Keep in mind that lovebirds are very social, which is why I keep all of mine in pairs. (No, I don't have all male/female pairs. Depending on the birds, some "pairs" are male/male and others are female/female.) I can't be with mine all of the time, which is what a lovebird thinks needs to happen when he/she forms a strong bond with a "mate." Unfortunately, that "mate" isn't always avian. Francis views you as the mate, which is why he won't form that same bond with anyone else. That's also why all he wants to do is be with you whenever he can.

Now this isn't always a bad thing, as I know many lovebird owners who would love to have the kind of relationship with their lovebirds that you have with Francis. Just understand that you are the center of his world and he loves you above anyone/anything else.

To get him to play with toys, you may have to show him how to play with them, as he may not know how. It will divert him for a while but it will only be for a while.

Hope this helps.